What World Have I Entered?!?
As my life rolls full steam ahead, I decided to find a little more balance these days between being a full-time student, a part-time employee, and an adult (because I have no choice). A social life seemed like the best next step. And part of that next step is dating.
Oh my goodness!
This world is so strange!
I have been away for long enough that the normal ways of meeting and interacting with each other have gone to the wayside. I already feel like I am an awkward person when it comes to being in a room full of people that I don't know. This comes with being an introvert but wanting to experience the world as an extrovert. It seems that people tend to move quickly through the normal steps of the 'getting to know you' process. Within the first few interactions, whether online or in person, they have made judgements on if they deem you worthy of their time, or being part of their lives. There are also judgements superficially, but this aspect is not new, just quicker.
Over the last six months or so, I have been trying to at the very least establish some friendships, and have a some great success with it. This led me to, at the beginning of the year, dive head first into the pool of Dating Apps. At first I was nervous, but I quickly got the hang of it, and even quicker decided that it wasn't for me. I experience a true 'Ghosting', which is not a very nice thing to do, and I am 90% sure that it was all based on that I was not physically his type (which is not a problem), as our conversations to that point had been good. It was more that a grown person treated another person in such a dismissive way. Although I will admit, that because I'm an all or nothing type person (which I'm working on correcting in the right areas), I may have been overly eager with my 'get to know you' questions. I have since corrected this behavior, as I also got to experience it from the receiving end. Those experiences ended that short stint in the Dating App world.
I do have exposure to other singles my age, with going to a Single Adult Ward, for those singles 31-45 years old, but I didn't want to go to church to 'pick out a date'. That option was quickly set aside. I knew that the best thing for me was to meet people in person, but I had to find a source of people to meet. I quickly joined some social media groups that had similar beliefs and interests and similar geographical location. This last part was critical as I have a limited amount of time to have a social life, so traveling far wasn't an option, at least all the time. I was lucky to meet a support group of wonderful people who where at similar stages of their life and loved spending time, although very limited, with them.
With this obstacle of time/travel issue, I expanded my group memberships and found a small group closer to home. I think that I have made some great friends in this group so far, and look forward to further time with them. The meeting of this group led me to the decision to start dating again. I really felt like I was ready, that I had conquered my demons and issues in a way that I felt healthy to take on this emotional next step.
Although not the first person I had been asked out by, I think I lucked out with the first person I went on an actual date with. It was a really nice experience. He was very gentlemanly in our conversation before the date, and just as much on the date. He seemed very genuine and I appreciated his company. Throughout the night I did come to realize that even though I am a very logical and analytical person, when it comes to matters of the heart or opposite sex, I am a total girl. I need to have the feelings there. And unfortunately they weren't there for me. Not to the detriment of this man, but I will not settle again. I have the time and fortitude to wait for that person, my person, the person that lights my soul on fire, that person who can challenge me to be better each day just by being better himself, that person that reminds me that God is always first in my life, even before him, that person that can make my mind spin with the possibilities, and yet quiet it when in a raging storm, that person with a single look or touch can cause a fire to burn deep within me. This may sound like a dream or a fairytale, but I have a plan, and that plan is that God knows my wants and my desires. I will follow this plan, I will be the type of person that I want to attract. I know my value, I am a Daughter of God, and he loves me, and I love me. I don't need a man in my life to make me happy, I (eventually) want a man in my life and we can be happy together.
As I trudge through this new world of dating, I will keep these ideas in the back of my head. But I will also keep my priorities front and center, and the biggest one is school. I have waited too long, and have been working too hard to let that dream slip away again. I know what I want, and I am no longer afraid to take what is mine.
Oh my goodness!
This world is so strange!
I have been away for long enough that the normal ways of meeting and interacting with each other have gone to the wayside. I already feel like I am an awkward person when it comes to being in a room full of people that I don't know. This comes with being an introvert but wanting to experience the world as an extrovert. It seems that people tend to move quickly through the normal steps of the 'getting to know you' process. Within the first few interactions, whether online or in person, they have made judgements on if they deem you worthy of their time, or being part of their lives. There are also judgements superficially, but this aspect is not new, just quicker.
Over the last six months or so, I have been trying to at the very least establish some friendships, and have a some great success with it. This led me to, at the beginning of the year, dive head first into the pool of Dating Apps. At first I was nervous, but I quickly got the hang of it, and even quicker decided that it wasn't for me. I experience a true 'Ghosting', which is not a very nice thing to do, and I am 90% sure that it was all based on that I was not physically his type (which is not a problem), as our conversations to that point had been good. It was more that a grown person treated another person in such a dismissive way. Although I will admit, that because I'm an all or nothing type person (which I'm working on correcting in the right areas), I may have been overly eager with my 'get to know you' questions. I have since corrected this behavior, as I also got to experience it from the receiving end. Those experiences ended that short stint in the Dating App world.
I do have exposure to other singles my age, with going to a Single Adult Ward, for those singles 31-45 years old, but I didn't want to go to church to 'pick out a date'. That option was quickly set aside. I knew that the best thing for me was to meet people in person, but I had to find a source of people to meet. I quickly joined some social media groups that had similar beliefs and interests and similar geographical location. This last part was critical as I have a limited amount of time to have a social life, so traveling far wasn't an option, at least all the time. I was lucky to meet a support group of wonderful people who where at similar stages of their life and loved spending time, although very limited, with them.
With this obstacle of time/travel issue, I expanded my group memberships and found a small group closer to home. I think that I have made some great friends in this group so far, and look forward to further time with them. The meeting of this group led me to the decision to start dating again. I really felt like I was ready, that I had conquered my demons and issues in a way that I felt healthy to take on this emotional next step.
Although not the first person I had been asked out by, I think I lucked out with the first person I went on an actual date with. It was a really nice experience. He was very gentlemanly in our conversation before the date, and just as much on the date. He seemed very genuine and I appreciated his company. Throughout the night I did come to realize that even though I am a very logical and analytical person, when it comes to matters of the heart or opposite sex, I am a total girl. I need to have the feelings there. And unfortunately they weren't there for me. Not to the detriment of this man, but I will not settle again. I have the time and fortitude to wait for that person, my person, the person that lights my soul on fire, that person who can challenge me to be better each day just by being better himself, that person that reminds me that God is always first in my life, even before him, that person that can make my mind spin with the possibilities, and yet quiet it when in a raging storm, that person with a single look or touch can cause a fire to burn deep within me. This may sound like a dream or a fairytale, but I have a plan, and that plan is that God knows my wants and my desires. I will follow this plan, I will be the type of person that I want to attract. I know my value, I am a Daughter of God, and he loves me, and I love me. I don't need a man in my life to make me happy, I (eventually) want a man in my life and we can be happy together.
As I trudge through this new world of dating, I will keep these ideas in the back of my head. But I will also keep my priorities front and center, and the biggest one is school. I have waited too long, and have been working too hard to let that dream slip away again. I know what I want, and I am no longer afraid to take what is mine.
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